17 September 2007

From Supernatural to Super-freaky - Part 2

When you ask a student to explain something to you… sometimes you get more than you ask for…

On Friday I had a difficult time rounding the students up due to tsunami like storms but I was able to find Bestimbire Julius who was one of the more vocal students in the discussion… Julius was more than willing to educate me on witchdoctors, sex ed., and patience…

He began at 3:07 PM with a story of a woman who was cursed from birth… her father was a polygamous man and kept his wives all on the same compound… some good advice: if your considering polygamy keep your wives on different compounds with a great distance in between. It happened that while her mother was giving birth there was no one around to give her aid… other than the 2nd wife. The 2nd wife poisoned the baby through the umbilical cord and that baby grew up to be a barren woman.

This barren woman desired to be a wife and married a foolish man. In order to convince the husband that she was not barren… in Julius’ own words… “once a month she would take ticks from a cow and place them on her nickers.” This was followed by a 20 minute sex education lecture because I had no clue what he was saying… after 20 minutes I was convinced it wasn’t worth repeating… but the point is the she convinced her husband for 16 years that she could produce children. After 16 years he discovered her trick and sent her away.

She married another man used her “tick trick” for 7 years before he sent her away. Still having a strong desire to be a wife and mother she went with her own mother to a village witchdoctor. The witchdoctor gave her a stomach full of medicine and sent them away… on the way home the mother fell off the boda boda (motorcycle) and broke her back. On her deathbed the mother of the barren woman asked her to feed the other children at mid-day… the mother died at that exact hour… from that point on the barren woman believed that hour to be cursed

The barren woman got a third husband and used the “tick trick” for another 4 years. Upon finding out her trick the husband took her to Tanzania because the witchdoctors there are seen to be more powerful. They were greeted by the witchdoctors 3 sons and were instructed to turn back if any of the 3 boys fell along the way… all 3 fell and she was refused a chance to see the witchdoctor. The husband then beat her to the point of death and sent her away.

The woman made it to Kampala and found a 4th husband and became his 4th wife. This barren woman was a Muslim but was convinced by a Christian woman to attend a Deliverance service. The pastor spotted her in the crowd and called her forward… he laid hands on her and prayed for over 2 hours… the pastor ended his prayer at mid-day… by this time it was 3:57 and I was trying to fight off sleep.

I must have dosed a bit because the next thing I knew she was with a 5th husband and pregnant... the clock said 4:03 so it was a short nap and hopefully the details weren’t too important… I don’t think Julius even noticed my nap.

At 4:17… I have to stop looking at my watch… Julius explained to me that the woman gave birth to a baby at mid-day… due to the curse on that hour the baby was born with holes all the way through its head.

In shock I said, “Julius, I though you told me this story was about women giving birth to snakes and cats?”

Julius, “Oh, that happens too…”

Me, “Did you know this woman?”

Julius, “No, I only heard about it in church.”

Not willing to give up yet I called a group of other “supposed eye-witnesses” together to discuss things this morning.

Jane, another confident eye-witness, told me about a woman that gave birth in her village to a raven. When I asked her what the snake looked like she said, “I don’t know I was too young and too scared to go and visit the woman.”

Mary then told me about a woman who gave birth to a baby cat… Apollo interrupted her and explained that a baby cat is called a kitten…. Thanks Apollo! When I asked her what it looked like she said, “I don’t know they killed it before I arrived.”

Lucy, a former occult member, told me 2 stories. The first was a woman who gave birth to twins… one human and one a leopard. Not willing to give up my line of questioning… I asked “What did the leopard look like?” She replied, “I don’t know, it ran away BUT its true because the human baby had eyes like a leopard!” The second story was about a baby born with a pointy head. I asked, “did you see it?” Lucy replied, “No, they threw the baby in the river before I arrived.”

Before I could make a comment Carolyne interrupted, “Pastor Jeff, its difficult to witness these things because only the woman and the mid-wife are in the delivery room. Not even the husband is welcome.”

At this time Sarah exclaimed, “Pastor Jeff, I have witnessed the product of one of these births… Kabaka Ka Kayanja.”

I asked what is “Ka… Ka… Ka… well you know what I’m trying to say?”

Apollo answered, “The small lake of the king… it was produced by I woman”

Jeff, “Apollo, are you trying to explain a woman’s water breaking?” …

The conversation continued but for me without any eye-witness accounts there wasn't much to go on. I told my students that all of these things they mentioned were specifically addressed in the book of 1 Timothy.

“Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales… 4:7a”

There are many freaky things that take place due to the work of demons and witchdoctors but to dwell on it for too long would only keep us distracted from truth.

The students agreed… but were every pleased that they had this opportunity to teach me some African Theology… Next time I might think twice about asking!


BigAl said...

What just happened? Who is on first? I have no closure here, What up with the five husband lady? IM LOST, which should be starting up soon now that I mentioned it. Am I 10,000? I log on about fifty times a day. I wanted to be 10,000.

Teenietinyt said...

I don't know what you are so surprised by Jeff...I mean don't you remember:
You are only spiritual if you speak in tongues!