12 September 2008

I promise to floss...

I went to the dentist today... and I deserve a lollipop...

After years of teeth extractions, retainers and braces as a child I'm not particularly fond of the dental chair... so at 11:35 when I got called in for my 11:00 AM appointment I felt my body tense up...

The Ugandan woman who was preparing to clean my teeth seemed nice as she introduced herself as Juliet... but the moment the chair went back and she put the Captain Hook attachment on her right arm I knew I was in for it...

She laughed when she noticed I still have a permanent bottom retainer and asked how long I had it in... as I replied "14 years" I could see in her eyes it was the wrong answer... for the next 30 minutes she was determined to pick off 14 years of plaque... as she held my mouth open I tried to use morse-code with my eyes to let her know that it hadn't been 14 years since my teeth had been cleaned...

Within 5 minutes of scrapping I could taste the blood going down my throat...

Within 10 minutes I could see the blood stains on her gloves...

Within 15 minutes she was stuffing my mouth with cotton balls to control the hemorrhaging...

At 20 minutes I got a cramp in my right calf from curling my toes so tightly...

The polishing seemed to cheer me up... I always love the taste of dental cleaning agents... but then she nicked the bottom of my mouth with the spinning polisher and I started to tear up...

At 12:00 she freed me from the chair and asked me to rinse in the sink... after spitting blood for 5 minutes I started to feel light-headed and started looking around for the orange juice and crackers before I got behind the wheel...

I looked around for some pain killers when we got home but decided that Valium would be over the top... instead I decided to lay out the floss and hope for better luck... or a gentle hygienist next time...

2 comments:

Lena said...

Oh no...I have a dentist appointment in 20 minutes! This was most definately not the best thing for me to read before my appointment...I'm a little worried now ;)

John said...

It's horrible reports like yours that make those hygenists wear masks. What would Jack Bauer do if he was in your chair? :.)